Comments used in marking your paper:

Active agency needed-Speak of writers, authors or producers as doing things, not abstract entities like essays, versions or literary works.

Background needed-You need to provide information about the underlined detail for an audience unfamiliar with aspects of your topic.

BBBA-means “Blow-by-blow analysis.” You should not make transitions by saying "and the next point is." You need to explain WHY it is the next point. What is the connection between it and the previous point? How is it related to the main point you are making in the paper (which in this case is the main point your author is making)?

blank-This adds nothing to your paper's impact or development.

BW-Can you think of a better word? The word you used does not quite capture the thought you are trying to convey.

C/S-Comma splice:A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot have more tha n one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly by a comma. There are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating conjunction ("if," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which” "who," "whom," "whose").

Citation needed-Cite Source:Please use the link below to find links to information regarding specific citation styles: http://www.plagiarism.org/plag_article_citation_styles.html

Details-Details needed.

Details2-More detail is needed about this event.

Details3-More detail is needed about this concept.

DM-This is a dangling modifier. See this site to help you improve it: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/mechanics/dangling_modifiers_and_how_to_correct_them.html

Don't use "how"-Avoid "how" for "that." You may need an abstract noun to express the idea you are trying to get across.

Don't use "like"-You mean "as" here. Like is an adjective; it modifies nouns. Your usage here modifies a verb.

Don't use "prior to"-The word you want is "before." That is better because it is one word, not two.

Don't use "proves"-Use "shows": we don't prove things in the humanities. And we are not even ashamed of it.

Don't use "such as"-Some people were told not to use "like," and so they use "such as" instead. However, the "like" that is (almost) a synonym for "such as" is not the "like" that's a problem. The problem is the "like" that we use when we're speaking and some teachers find it too casual. The problem with "such as" is that "such" is an adjective and needs a noun to modify, like this, "By wearing his bowler hat, he avoided such inconveniences as pigeon droppings and showers of confetti." Here "such" modifies "inconveniences." This is all complicated. It's best to use "like" to introduce examples.

Don't use "which"-Writers sometimes use "which" to refer to a whole idea instead of one word. This makes your writing vague. Rephrase using a noun for the idea you are trying to express with "which," perhaps in a new sentence.

Don't use "with"-Don't use "with" to mean "since," or "given," because the result is that you leave out an idea or concept that should be expressed.

Every fact needs a refYou need a reference for every fact you get from a source, not just exact quotes.

Frag.-Fragment: A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as in the following: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."

Grading scale-
A+ 105 B 85 C- 65
A 100 B- 80 D 60
A- 95 C+ 75 D-55
B+ 90 C 70 F 0

Grading warning and key-Please note: I do not mark all instances of a problem in correcting your paper. If I did, I would become your editor or perhaps you co-author. If you want to resubmit your paper for a better grade, you must find the other instances of the problem and fix them as well. Of course, if you have questions about the problem, or its solution, please let me know.
For more about the abbreviations used in correcting your paper, see: http://www.thury.org/Symbols.html

Noun placement-Put the noun in the main part of the sentence, not out in a prepositonal phrase.

P/A Agreement-Pronoun/Antecedent agreement: A pronoun usually refers to something earlier in the text. The thing or person to which the pronoun refers is known as the pronoun's antecedent. A pronoun must have an antecedent to refer to. Also, a pronoun and its antecedent must match in number; a singular pronoun must be used when referring to a singular noun and a plural pronoun must be used when referring to a plural noun.

Poor paragraphing-The previous paragraph is too large and needs to be broken into sensible units.

Punct in wrong order-Periods and commas always go inside the quotes.

Quote ref needed-Quote needs page ref even in a summary.

Ref list needed-You need a reference list at the end of your summary. If you don't have one, you are technically guilty of plagiarism, even though (of course) you intended no such thing.

Ref period placement-Put the period after the parenthetical reference, not before.

Reference format incorrect-This reference is not in accordance with MLA format.

Reference format should be used instead-This doesn't belong in the text of your paper

Regions should not be mentioned-Don't mention the word "region" in your summary. That term is just scaffolding that you remove in the summary, remember? Use strong transitions instead.

Rewrite available-You may, if you like, rewrite this paper for a new grade. If you do, you will receive the new grade (assuming it is better!), not an average of the two grades. This is done to encourage students to do rewrites. However, if you do a rewrite, you must really respond to my comments in the paper, not just fix a small thing here or there. So be sure you understand my comments and let me know if you have questions about anything I say here.
The rewrite is due a week from when you get this paper back.
Please note: I do not mark all instances of a problem in correcting your paper. If I did, I would become your editor or perhaps you co-author. If you want to resubmit your paper for a better grade, you must find the other instances of the problem and fix them as well. Of course if you have questions about the problem, or its solution, please let me know

Run-on sentence:- The sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or semicolon. Please see this explanation of how to punctuate sentences: http://www.thury.org/Focus.html

S/V Agreement-Subject-verb agreement:Subjects and verbs should match in number and person. Singular subjects require singular verbs; plural subjects require plural verbs.

Specifics please:-Be specific. Give examples.

So what?-How do the previously mentioned points contribute to your growing argument in the paper? Please see this explanation of how a "so what?" transition helps to give focus to your paper: http://www.thury.org/Focus.html

Support your statement-Your statement needs support in the form of evidence from a secondary source (an academic source, preferably) or specific examples from a text, or both. In some kinds of papers, a person al example would be the right kind of support.

Thesis vague-This is more like a topic than a thesis. It is important that a paper have a thesis that explains right away what you are going to show in it. Don't be afraid to "give away" your thesis right away, even if you have not shown your evidence for it yet. If you put it up here, your reader will understand that you will show it later in t he paper, and your paper will have what is called "focus," so you reader will understand what to expect as she or he reads on.

Transition is excellent-You have done a fine job connecting the previous point and the next point here

Transition needed-You need to spell out the relationship between the previous paragraph and the next paragraph.

Transition needed2-You need to spell out the relationship between the previous point and the next point with a transition

Vague pronoun-Don't use a pronoun to represent a whole concept or idea: name the the idea or concept, or rephrase to eliminate the vague pronoun.

Vague:-Unclear: When making a point in one of your body paragraphs, one of the most common mistakes is to not offer enough details. A paragraph without much detail will seem vague and sketchy. A paper is always strengthened when your claims are as specific as possible, The more detailed evidence you offer, the more reference points your reader will have. Remember that you are communicating your argument to a reader who has only your description to go by. Someone who reads your essay will not automatically know what you mean to express, so you have to supply details, to show the reader what you mean, not just tell him or her.

Vague pronoun:-Don't use a pronoun to represent a whole concept or idea: name the the idea or concept, or rephrase to eliminate the vague pronoun.

Vary your word choice-Look back at your text. You repeat the same word too many times in a row. Either combine sentences, or vary your word choice so your expression of your ideas is as interesting as the ideas themselves.

Verb tenses-Verb tenses inconsistent: some of your narrative is in present tense, some in past. Usually present is preferable.

Weak transition-Weak paragraph transition: Although paragraphs are separate, individual steps of your paper, it is important to clearly demonstrate a logical connection between them. Generally speaking, the way your paragraphs relate to one another displays how sound your argument really is. A paragraph that begins with "also" or "in addition" offers a weak transition from the previous point, even though it may develop a highly interesting and related point.

Weak transition2-It is important to clearly demonstrate a logical connection between your points. Generally speaking, the way your points relate to one another displays how sound your argument really is. A point that begins with "also" or "in addition" offers a weak transition from the previous point, even though it may develop a highly interesting and related argument.

Who needed-Use "who" for a person

Wordy-Use fewer words to express this idea, perhaps incorporating a strong verb.

Writing Center-As there are serious problems with this paper, I suggest you make an appointment with the Drexel Writing Center, where tutors can meet with you over your work and help you address issues relating to writing.
Please make an appointment there and take this paper to work on. Their web site is here: http://www.drexel.edu/writingcenter/
You'll want to work though the comments and the explanations contained in them before your session, so if you have questions about them you can raise those at the session. Be sure you bring a copy of the paper and my comments with you to your appointment.

Wrong word-This word is not the right one to use in the context of the other words in the sentence, and/or it does not mean what you think it does.